I feel like taking responsibility is very closely related to "owning up." In some ways, I'm very good at this. I will flat out say if I don't understand something or if I don't know what something means. I own up to my ignorance. But there are other situations, typically when I've made a mistake, that I won't fully own up to it. I may apologize, but there are lots of instances when I'm apologizing for the situation rather than my actions. I don't always completely own up to what I've done. I think this is because, at the heart of it, I'm afraid. If I allow myself to fully realize the wrong that I've done, then I may realize that I'm not worth loving. Worse yet, if I completely own up to the situation and tell everyone else involved that I made a big, awful mistake, then they may not love me anymore.
I realize that it's much better to take responsibility, and I think that understanding my underlying fear will help me own up more in my everyday life. I don't want to bury things anymore. I want to be completely honest and open with other people when I make a mistake, and more importantly I want to be totally honest and open with myself. I need to learn to say that I did something wrong, that I've learned from it, and that I will do my best to not let it happen again. I think this will help how I relate with other people too and generally help me overcome some negativity in my thought processes. It will definitely be hard and scary to look inside myself and see what I've done, but in the end I know it will be worth it.
In sum, I need to stop blaming others and look inward for solutions.
To get the ball rolling, I take full responsibility for neglecting my helpful, thoughtful blog all during the month of July. I'll do my best not to let it happen again. :)
