I've been working with some pretty heavy emotional lifting lately, and I've noticed that journaling has really helped me in a wide variety of ways. First off, it gives me someone to talk to who I can trust completely. I can rage or be sad or be totally crazy, and the only important thing is that I get it off my chest. I don't have to worry about offending or upsetting anyone with a journal. It's really liberating to know that I can pour my heart out without judgement. Once that's out of the way, I can really get down to the meat of the subject. Journaling has helped me unravel my feelings and look at things in different and constructive ways. I like being able to take a variety of different viewpoints and still be able to look back at where I started. Probably one of the best things about journaling is that it really helps me to focus on solutions. At the end of my entry, I always make a list of things that I've realized or want to accomplish. It's great being able to open up emotionally, work through my thoughts, and feel like I come out with something really constructive.
Lately, I've been working on two really big challenges of mine: trust and feeling like I'm "good enough." These are both issues that I have a history with and working with them is very difficult for me. Trust is especially hard, because I feel like I have to trust someone in order to open up emotionally to them. But how do I trust someone in the first place? Over the past year, I've had my trust broken by people I've been very close to and also by acquaintances. I see in myself just how much I've clammed up, and quite frankly I'm scared of opening back up. A good friend told me that I always seem very composed and in control of my appearances. I do feel in control, but I want to be able to open up. I want to express my inner little kid, and I want to be happy and exaggerated. But I'm just not sure how to go about restructuring my heart and head to make that feasible. I keep imagining my heart is like an egg, and I'm too scared to let anyone else hold it for fear they might drop it. Maybe I need to reinforce that egg? It's definitely a work in progress.
