While working on fulfilling my New Year's resolutions, I realize that I complete them in lots of different ways. Some are very tangible, like learning to cut my hair. Either I go at my hair and make it look like a bird's nest or I don't. Others are a little bit wider, like expanding my porn career. I don't want to expect anything outrageous, but at the same time I don't want to expect too little of myself. So, I figure I can pace it through the year and see what happens. I think the most abstract resolution is number ten. But even in the last week I feel like I've solidified what that means to me. I want to be able to be my own therapist, meaning I want to be able to untangle my feelings and express myself clearly and logically. Lately I feel like I've been successful with exactly that!
For me personally, I'm lucky when a problem shows up and declares itself a problem. In those cases, I can face it head on, state my emotions, respect them, and then work on the resolution. However, it seems more often than not my head takes time to catch up to my heart. I'll make a connection, and I might acknowledge it but not realize how important it is. Later, I'll start to feel sad or angry or just generally upset. Then I have to sit down and reason it all out. Usually I'll make a list of things that could be the source of my upset, and I think of how to solve each one. Sometimes it's as simple as being physically uncomfortable or not feeling rewarded for the day's events. But other times it's a major logical connection that I made, feel bad about, but somehow forgot to acknowledge. I'm happy that I know how this works, and I know ways of dealing with intense emotions. Writing things down does wonders, and while it's great to have another head to help untangle it all, even just some deep breaths can do good.
Reflecting on January 2010: I had an incredible time at FC, and I have lots of surreal pictures to prove it! I hit a milestone with SC, and I now feel comfortable with it as my major source of income. I feel like I know what's expected of me to earn this amount, and I know I can commit myself to it. I mostly set up appointments to see people in February, but I'm proud of being on top of things so much. The only thing that didn't really pan out was making the cabinet, but the alternative ended up being much cheaper. Plus, I'll still get to learn how to alter a piece of furniture!
Expectations for March 2010: Had a kinky and creative V-Day. Gone to tons of groups and classes and picked my favorites. Applied to three new websites. Have crow bits separated. Have a diagram of Betty. Finished and shared five crafts.
