9. In The Moment

I excel at being organized. I like when everything has a place, and I like having a routine. I like when the books are categorized by subject and author. I like things that aren't too empty and aren't too cluttered. I love when rooms have symmetry and a visual beat. I like knowing what's going on later today and later this week, even if it's just playing SNES and eating cookies. I like planning, and I'm very good at it. But lately I've realized that there is a drawback to being ever so meticulous.

I have a bad habit of not being in the moment, and I know this is something I've had a problem with for awhile, though I only recently identified it as a problem. I have a pattern of getting so caught up thinking about what I'll be doing in a few hours or few months that I forget to stop and look at what's going on around me. I really want to relearn how to just be present. I get so caught up running around and around in my own head that I start to feel negative, and so often this can be fixed just by focusing on my breathing. I added thoughtful breathing to my list of resolutions for a few different reasons. I know it's better for my body, but it also helps slow down my racing mind. I really want to reclaim that childlike sense of wonder that I feel I've let go of lately.

I want to laugh at the silly face the guy in the car across from me is making. I want to luxuriate in the feeling of my skin beneath my own fingers. I want to smell the sky getting ready to open up and rain, and I want to guesstimate the hex code for this particular shade of old lady purple.

Reflections on February: I focused quite a bit of my energies on finding an apartment in February. This meant dredging through every local listing the internet has to offer and even unearthing a few neatly compiled lists of rental agencies and individuals. This also meant going to showings, filling out applications, and packing. All of my books and a large part of my decorations were packed up, and honestly there isn't much more to do until I know for sure if I have a place. On top of apartment hunting, I was also very active in the local XXX and nerd communities. I performed at an Imps party and had a blast, on and off stage. I also have a regular Hunters game set up, and I love the players, GM, and story. It's fantastic, and I'm looking forward to many, many more weeks of being a large, burly man. I applied to VegPorn and am still waiting to hear back. I have an account at Clips4Sale and am building up content. I have a crow in pieces, my tax refund, and an illustration of under Betty's hood. The only thing that didn't really pan out was crafting regularly, but I'm going to stick to it! To top off February, I got sick. :{ I pride myself in rarely getting sick, maybe seriously once a year, so at least I'm hoping this means I'm done with sick duty for the year. And speaking of duties, I got out of jury duty because of PAX! "How awesome is that?!" she interrobanged.

Expectations for 03/07/10: Have Boston/D.C. plans ironed out and settled. Have work buffered edited and uploaded. Read Chapters 1-4 of car care book. Finish and laminate Meph badge. Apartment?

Expectations for April: Be completely moved into and settled into my new home. Had my first handgun lesson and decided where to go from there. Submitted to I Shot Myself and Beautiful Agony. Completed and shared a craft a week! Read a good portion of car manual. Went to Boston and got my drink and my two step at PAX East! Focused on click and treating myself.