13. Timeline & Accomplishments

Because I'm so bad about remembering what happened when, I'm going to start a timeline primarily to keep track of my education but also for big events and things that are special to me. I hope to update it periodically when I think of think of something or achieve something new!

13/2000: Started Independent Study

14/2001: Started High School

15/2002: UB - Started Community College - Dated D.

16/2003: UB - Broke up with D. - Dated Ka.

17/2004: Broke up with Ka. - Dated K. - Graduated High School - Moved to 18th

18/2005: Met Aereus - Graduated Community College

19/2006: Started University

20/2007: UB RA - PAX

21/2008: Moved to Cedar - FC - UB RA - Broke up with K. - Renaissance Fair - Moved to 8th - PAX - Art School - Dated J.

22/2009: FC - Academic Leave - Moved to H - Started on SC - PAX

23/2010: FC - Moved back to 18th - PAXEast - PAX - Graduated University

I realize last week that I didn't add any expectations for the week, and that got me to thinking about the expectations set up. I realized that even when I set my expectations lower than usual, things like moving and parties and relationships come up that disrupt my predictions. Then when I look back over my expectations for the week and realize I've only finished one or two, I don't feel accomplished at all. So, what I'm going to start doing now is writing accomplishments at the end of the week. I think that this will help boost my morale and give me a sense of achievement. I'm still going to do expectations for the month, because I like forecasting the next four weeks. Plus, I already write accomplishments at the end of the month!

Accomplishments for 03/21/10: Got tested! Traveled to Boston and went to PAXEast!

12. Face Your Fears

A couple weeks ago I had the opportunity to face one of my fears, and it was a very liberating experience. I felt incredibly confidant afterwards and realized that what I had been afraid of really wasn't scary at all! On top of that, I've been talking with a few different folks who have been facing their fears lately. It's amazing to see and hear about the changes people can make when they put their minds to it. It got me to thinking about things that I'm afraid of and what I can do to face those fears head on. Here's a list of some things that scare me and some steps I plan to take to get over them!

1. Riding a motorcycle.

Reason: I'm afraid of it suddenly going from vertical to horizontal and am terrified of leaning into curves, which naturally only makes it worse.

Solutions: I can start out riding with someone I trust in paved, secluded areas where I don't have to worry about traffic or stop signs. Once I feel comfortable with that, I'd eventually like to build up to being okay with driving a motorcycle through a town.

2. Having my veins touched.

Reason: It's an intense, irrational fear that was amplified when treated as a joke by a significant other.

Solutions: I can start by just looking at my veins for a set amount of time and slowly increase that time as I get more and more comfortable. I want to work up to touching my own veins, having someone else touch them, and finally having my wrists squeezed without it significantly affecting me.

3. Listening to the sound of metal scraping metal or teeth scraping metal.

Reason: The sound itself makes my teeth ache and makes me want to clench my jaw.

Solutions: I can positively reinforce myself whenever I hear the sound. To keep my teeth and jaw busy, I can chew gum or gummies that I like when I hear the sound so that I have a positive association.

4. Abandonment.

Reason: Family problems as a child and young adult.

Solutions: Because there's nothing I can do to change the actions of others, I need to work on improving my sense of self confidence and self worth. I want to work on being really secure with myself, so that when people do move out of my life I don't feel a deep, painful sense of abandonment. I can improve my confidence by thinking positively, focusing on my accomplishments rather than perfection, and remembering to move my body!

11. Altered States

I don't react like most people do to alcohol. On a scale of 1 to 10 I don't actually feel drunk until I reach a 7, and I don't act drunk until I hit a 9. It sort of creeps up on me, and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to write about the different stages of inebriation, how they affect my ability to give consent, my ability to remember, and how I act during these stages. I act very much in control and sober up to the point where I'm about to black out, which makes it difficult if not impossible for my friends to keep an eye on me when I'm drinking. I've also had problems in the past with acting incredibly lucid while still being more or less asleep, and this has created problems. I realize too that emotional and other kinds of physical stress alter my state of consciousness. So, here is my scale from 1 to 10 on states of altered consciousness. The ones italicized are the most important and most commonly used ones for when I've been drinking.

1. Fully functional. Not hindered in any way, will remember things normally, and able to give consent.

2. Slightly distracted. May be thinking about something else.

3. Not focused. Thinking or occupied by something else.

4. Feeling buzzed. Feels physically different but no change in inhibitions or demeanor. Able to give consent and remember.

5. Groggy. Just woke up from a nap or getting done with heavy emotional lifting. Memory and consent are fine but rattled and/or unfocused.

6. Borderline. Very emotionally or physically upset. Starting to lose memory and consent.

7. Drunk. Able to give some consent and remember some things. Acts normal and shows few if any signs of inebriation.

8. Not present. Little to no consent, only remembers flashes of actions or conversations, though seems entirely coherent. Includes falling asleep.

9. Seems intoxicated. Staggers, tells embarrassing stories, and generally loses all inhibitions. Not able to consent and remembers only a little. Includes waking up from being asleep.

10. Completely blacked out. Absolutely no consent, will remember next to nothing, though still able to respond and make requests. Includes being dead asleep.

So what can I do to ensure that I have a fun and safe time while drinking? I need to always remember to eat before or while I'm drinking, and I must be sure that I drink plenty of water. Otherwise, I can become intoxicated much faster than I would normally. Also, I can drink slowly so that I don't suddenly go from a four to a seven without expecting it. Finally, I can let the people around me know where I'm at. I can tell them that if I can't look them in the eye, I'm not giving consent, which is true for when I'm asleep but seemingly carrying on a conversation as well. My friends and I know the 1 to 10 scale, but I can talk to them about what that means for me personally. Most importantly, I can simply keep my friends up to date with a quick check-in so that they know from me where I'm at.

Expectations for 03/21/10: Have Boston buffer finished and uploaded. Do three webcam sessions. Be packed for PAX. Finish calendar and tank projects. Submit to Beautiful Agony.

10. Move It!

Pack early and often. You don't always know when you're going to move. Sometimes it's spontaneous, in the dead of night, and all within the span of 48 hours. These are the times when this rule doesn't apply. But typically you'll have some sort of time line in mind when you know you're going to move. In order to make the whole process significantly less dreadful, start packing NOW. There are plenty of things we don't use in our day-to-day lives. In fact, the vast majority of what we own we do not use on a regular basis. So, pack it up now. Set goals for yourself, such as packing two full boxes every night or having the car full of boxes by the end of the week. This all helps avoid the last minute rush and crunch that results in the tea cups, sex toys, and that sweater you never wear getting thrown in the same box, leaving you with what looks like a windstorm went through a junk shop when you unpack.

Pack like with like. This may seem obvious enough. When you're packing the bookshelf. It makes sense that you would keep putting books into the box until it's full rather than adding a book, a wrench, and the cat. But what about when it comes to more complex parts of the house and things that aren't necessarily grouped? I highly recommend taking inventory of your home and dividing it into sections. I tend to divide my living space by room or by the function of the items, such as cooking, sleeping, bathing, etc. And from there I narrow down each division into smaller categories that I assume will fit into a box or two. Clothes can be narrowed down to shoes, hang-up clothing, folded, and accessories. Use whatever system works for you, because in the end it's all about making moving into your new home easy and comfortable. Plus, this also helps you take stock of your possessions, which be can fun and eye opening.

Label those boxes. Sometimes a thing just won't fit except in a box full of other stuff that it is in no way similar to. You'd never think of your hammer and tool set when you think of all your precious stuffed animals, but sometimes when moving that's the way things end up. In cases such as this, I suggest making a note of this on the outside of the box. Loosing things is never fun, and this leaves you with a clear indicator of what's where. I also think it's important to be specific with your labeling. Instead of writing "Kitchen," write "Bowls & Large Plates." This method doesn't leave you digging through the ten kitchen boxes just to have a bowl of cereal at the new pad.

Find 100% Free packing supplies. Usually when you tell people you're moving, they will have a box or two they can offer for your efforts. Sadly, the cardboard remnants of friends and family are hardly enough to contain your mass quantities of earthly goods. And with moving being expensive enough, it's doubtful that you're interested in dropping money for unassembled boxes from the moving business. Lucky for me, I live in an area where co-ops and natural food stores abound. And that means free, high quality, no strings attached boxes. Whenever you go shopping pick up an extra two or five of these lovely commodities and ask your friends to do the same. The boxes get a new take on life, and you get to move without throwing everything you own in plastic bags. As for packing material to keep your delicates safe from breaking and rattling, there is another easy solution. Someone you know, maybe it's even you, has a fat stack of old magazines that they don't want but are too lazy to get rid of. Seize this golden opportunity to keep your ceramic frogs and humorous shot glasses from disaster. If newspaper is more your style, you can always grab a stack or two of your local free print the night before a new issue comes out and pack your life guilt free!

Toss things you don't actually want or use. If you don't use something now, it's very unlikely that you'll use it in your new home. So, just get rid of it! You have a few options when it comes to clearing out your inventory for quality control. If it's busted or just no good, throw it in the garbage or take it to the recycling center. If it's in good condition but not particularly valuable, donate it to a local thrift shop or charity store. Also, consider who you might give it to who could use it or would like it as a gift. Finally, if you have something that you aren't using but think you could get some cash out of, try the pawn shop or consignment stores. Consignment shops all have specific rules about what sorts of clothes they will take and when, so it's best to give them a call up. Pawn shops are nice, because you can bring in what you have a get a quote on how much they'll pay you right away. And usually it's very reasonable. Consider taking in games, CDs, DVDs, jewelry, and the like.

Expectations for 03/14/10: Had a kickass Blackout Party.Completely moved into my new place: unpacked all the boxes, washed all the dishes, stocked the cupboards. Start Boston buffer. Test out webcam. Work on tank, calendar, and camera cushion projects. Finalize PAX packing list.